Being a SAHW, Stay At Home Wife

Leaving the corporate life was all I wanted. I have come to the point that stress and politics can never sink into my skin anymore. I don't want to rub it on me until I become the stress and the politics I hated. My career didn't start that way, looking back. I loved what I was doing. I try to give the best that I could to deliver what is expected of me. I exhausted whatever I can get of myself. I often catch myself eating two hours past meal time or having my lunch at dinner time. My work would even catch me while I'm asleep which fortunately don't end in a nightmare. Years passed and burn out consumed me. 10 years in a fast-paced environment I told myself I had enough.

Now, I am here for the past 7 months as a SAHW, Stay At Home Wife which, I hope to change into SAHM, a MOM! But, that's a different story. I have often told the husband that I would not cook him any meal, dinner, breakfast or lunch, while I am still working. I feel it's kind of unfair that we both work but I still do the house chores, right? Equality! Yes to that! Haha! I have now what I wanted which I didn't expect would be sooner. I have come to feel these feelings which I hope to look back and be able to say that I have come to terms with it.

I feel guilty.

There are times when I feel guilty that he has to work his ass out while I stay at home doing what I love to do, blog, scour the overwhelming world of the web and start an online retail business. 

To ease out this guilt I would make a great effort to serve the best dinner that I could. I don't let him do the dishes, which he sometimes insist because he's just sweet. I make sure that I would prepare him filling breakfast and send him to the door with a kiss. But, he spoils me because sometime he won't wake me up when he sees that I am sunk in my sleep.

I feel insecure

When I used to work I am always in attendance on mall sales and would be home with several paper bags. I justify it by saying that it is my money anyway. His money is our money and my money is my money. Women rule! Now, it goes without saying that I cannot splurge anymore as a SAHW because even if I have his ATM card I still have to give a great deal of the money he painstakingly earned. I've seen him how stressed he was in his first company so I can't just spend it unscrupulously.

Depending on someone totally, is hard for me. But, this has brought something more wonderful than I have imagined. I have come to appreciate him more for giving me even the smallest things. He would bring home treats and trinkets that never fails to brighten up my day. And, the entrepreneural spirit in me is slowly but steadily growing. I am starting my retail business back home with the help of my sister. So while I am here I am still earning. Online job is also on my list. I have registered on Odesk which I hope to start anytime soon. We also make sure that we invest in mutual funds and stocks to have sources of passive income.

Am I wasting my time?

I seldom go out maybe because I have outgrown following the calls of my itchy feet. I prefer to be at home doing things that I have not done while I was working. Bring out my so-called creativity in coming out with dishes that won't be the same thing as last week. It's quite a fit in thinking of the weekly menu, mind you! It also warms my heart when the husband appreciates me for a good meal served, lifting up his spirit after a long and tiring day and push him to be the best.

Now, more than ever, I am able to talk with my friends and families (via the net, that is). I am able to ease my parents' homesickness through the net. Among my siblings I was the one who was with my parents during the time our family was in a very difficult situation when father has to go through a triple by-pass heart operation. Some friends who are in need of someone to talk to would drop messages and pm which I am in turn able to respond and give advice at the time they needed it.

I cannot undermine the beauty of being a housewife nor the exciting life of a career wife. They are both equaly great on their own. But, for now, I want to enjoy the opportunity to be with my husband any time he needs me, take care of him and give him a cozy haven from the world because not everybody, no matter how much they wanted, is able to chose between being a career wife and a stay-at-home-wife.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4