First Attempt to Conceive for 2017

I have been meeting Dr. Petterson of Fertility Fundamentals for 8 months now. Nothing has changed since then. I have been under Clomid for 3 cycles and moved to Letrozole last cycle. Since nothing has changed in my cervical mucus she upped my dose to 9 tablets on Day 2 and 3. (Speaking of which I am meant to take it now.) I am hoping that this time will be the time for us. I have endometriosis, PCOS, retroverted uterus, and a little below my ideal BMI. My doctor prescribed me to take Metformin and Low Dose Netrozole to help me with PCOS and endometriosis, respectively. 

I have made a lot of preparation for this cycle. I regularly did a light 30min yoga for almost a month. Took the following to hopefully help me have healthy eggs:

• Healthy Care Propolis since 2016
• Nature's Own Zinc, B6, Magnesium 2tabs/day and upped it to 4tabs/day this cycle
• Blackmores Fish Oil - 2caps/day
• Priceline's Methyl Folate for my MTHFR since 2016
• EPO since Day 1
• Kale soup everyday
• Goji berry tea 

Today is may Day 2 and I can see the changes in my blood flow. It was not like last cycle's. Last month my period was light and dark brown to black in colour. I know it was not healthy so I decided to move my body more because in TCM, black blood is a sign of blood stagnation. It worked! This cycle it is bright red with little clots. I didn't have bad cramping although I felt tolerable pain here and there due to my endometriosis. I guess it is good to mention that the week leading to my Day 1 I put hot pad in my lower abdomen and soak my feet in hot water whenever I have a chance to keep my body warm. From TCM again, cold tummy, feet and hands are signs of blood stagnation and cold uterus. Despite having 35C temperature at times in this very dry summer weather I still warm up my tummy.

Here we are on Day 2! Hopefully with all the preparations and fervent prayers all things will work out great!

A Year of Hope

The husband and I moved here in Adelaide, South Australia (after much prodding and convincing) last July 28, 2014. We have faced challenges that tested our character, faith and our belief in ourselves.

It has been a year since I had my second miscarriage. This time it was physically, emotionally and spiritually painful. The time I found out I was pregnant at 11 weeks was the time I found out I miscarried. No big deal - said no one who have been wanting to have a child for more than 8 years! The doctor said it is about 25 - 30% of pregnancies miscarry and there is no way to prevent it.

It has been a year and yes, I still feel sad. There are days when I blame myself and wished I have done things differently. There are days when I think about how my baby would look like had he not gone sooner than we've come to known him. There are days when I doubt the grace of God to heal me from the pain.

It has been a year and yes, I go on. I go on and not move on. There is no moving on on losing a love one. There is no moving on in grief. I go on. I go on to enjoy the beauty of each day brings. I go on to love my husband who, not only gives me what I need, does everything to make me happy. I go on to be grateful with God for showing me that He is faithful through the kindness and charity of friends and strangers. I go on because I know with each pain comes great blessings.

How Do You Grieve?

Or, do you grieve for someone else's loss? Is it even a question?

I am beset with sadness I cannot fathom and yet I can't shed a tear. The choking of my throat is enough to tell that my body is aching, emotionally.

My bestfriend lost her barely three-month old son. My godchild. I haven't seen him yet since we're miles apart. I was an absentee sponsor during his baptism. Nevertheless, I felt I was there as my friends and the mommy shared the wonderful day of welcoming their first born to the christian world.

When it was time for her to leave for her overseas job I felt her pain of being away from her son. Ahh, the essence of her being a woman has finally been revealed. She is in-love! Love, that only a mother can understand.

Then, last night barely two hours from receiving a news from a common friend that her baby is critical to getting an sms from my bestfriend, I lost my godchild a few hours ago. That, killed me. Instantly.

So many thoughts suddenly ran through my mind. I tried to call her but she begged off. I don't know what to reply to her. I cannot say "be strong" when I know that strength has lost her at that moment. I cannot say "everything will be ok, soon" when things for her might be a dreadful nightmare. I cannot even say "just trust in God and pray" when I can feel that sprititualizing the situation is not what she needs.

All I can say is that I am here. Her friends are here. I feel like flying back where she is just to embrace her. And, that I love her.

She don't want other people to know. She is shutting out. She wanted to process things by herself. All I can do is support her on her way of coping with the tragedy. Yes, pray for her and her family.

My mind is still clouded. It's so unreal. This isn't happening. Why would an innocent child have to die? Why does he have to go so soon? Why does it have to happen to someone close to me.

My bestfriend is in pain. Its hurting me so much that I can't do anything. I am grieving. Grieving for losing my godchild, for the loss of the mother and for my bestfriend's partly-death.

The Miracle Boy

My in-laws stayed with us for nine days for a vacation, hubby's parents and his three siblings. While these past days it has been hot with some overcast clouds the week they were here the weather was just crazy. There were times it was raining hard with thunderstorms! Luckily, the day they were in Universal Studios it was just cloudy and it didn't rain at all.

They are a family that exudes happiness and joy! I am proud to say that my in-laws are a family of only trying to be a blessing to others. They would try not to do anything that would make you feel uncomfortable. They are even very expressive on their endearments with each other. There are lots of hugs and kisses whenever they are together. Specially if it's towards the youngest. 

The youngest has been dubbed as the miracle boy. You wouldn't believe that once he stayed in the hospital for two months with one month in a coma in the ICU. He contracted dengue but when the day he was supposed to check out from the hospital that's when he suffered from a deadly virus causing him to be in coma. 

For days and weeks he was in ICU every second counts and every cent is valuable. Almost every minute or hour his vital signs are being checked. Every two hours or so he had to take strong antibiotics costing between 1.5k to 3k. Fresh blood were also transfused to ensure his platelets are in normal levels. 

I once went inside the ICU with MIL and I couldn't bear it. I was crying the whole time because he was so thin and has to be in life-support. I went out even before the time to visit was up and never dared to go inside again. All I can do was pray for him and the rest of the family.

He was finally sent home after two months and a sky-rocket hospital bill. His left brain was affected due to comatose but after several therapies all that is left now is his deep voice, he used to sing beautifully, his hands without full control and his balance.

All through that phase in their lives, the family never gave up. When the doctors would give a bad news everybody would take it as it is, take the best option and would eventually leave everything to God to work on. No one showed any sign of weakness. A hug from each other was enough to say that 'we will all get through this'. And it did! God worked in ways none of us where able to comprehend. He sent a message through a fellow boy, who was also in the hospital at that time, that hubby's youngest brother would wake up soon. We held on to that. Knowing in all things God is at work. Strangers and friends would visit and pray over him. Monetary help came in without them even asking. It brought closer and tighter relationship within the family. They are able to say I love yous without cringing which some would often take for granted.

He is indeed a miracle boy for me. Now, at 19, he is living his life. He has more friends than ever. He sings louder than he should. He dances even without music because he is happy. Whenever I see him, he reminds me with one passage in the bible, 'with God all things are possible - Mat 19:25-27'. That no matter how bad things may seem everything will come out good in the end. If it is not good then it is not yet the end. God is forever faithful to His promise that He has plans for us. Plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us hope and a future - Jer 29:11.