How Do You Grieve?

Or, do you grieve for someone else's loss? Is it even a question?

I am beset with sadness I cannot fathom and yet I can't shed a tear. The choking of my throat is enough to tell that my body is aching, emotionally.

My bestfriend lost her barely three-month old son. My godchild. I haven't seen him yet since we're miles apart. I was an absentee sponsor during his baptism. Nevertheless, I felt I was there as my friends and the mommy shared the wonderful day of welcoming their first born to the christian world.

When it was time for her to leave for her overseas job I felt her pain of being away from her son. Ahh, the essence of her being a woman has finally been revealed. She is in-love! Love, that only a mother can understand.

Then, last night barely two hours from receiving a news from a common friend that her baby is critical to getting an sms from my bestfriend, I lost my godchild a few hours ago. That, killed me. Instantly.

So many thoughts suddenly ran through my mind. I tried to call her but she begged off. I don't know what to reply to her. I cannot say "be strong" when I know that strength has lost her at that moment. I cannot say "everything will be ok, soon" when things for her might be a dreadful nightmare. I cannot even say "just trust in God and pray" when I can feel that sprititualizing the situation is not what she needs.

All I can say is that I am here. Her friends are here. I feel like flying back where she is just to embrace her. And, that I love her.

She don't want other people to know. She is shutting out. She wanted to process things by herself. All I can do is support her on her way of coping with the tragedy. Yes, pray for her and her family.

My mind is still clouded. It's so unreal. This isn't happening. Why would an innocent child have to die? Why does he have to go so soon? Why does it have to happen to someone close to me.

My bestfriend is in pain. Its hurting me so much that I can't do anything. I am grieving. Grieving for losing my godchild, for the loss of the mother and for my bestfriend's partly-death.